I will begin with a quote from Tharine:
Jun 15 22:05:36 <Tharine> People are welcome to have their own personal opinions of other people, and express those in what they understand to be private areas.
While our mods irc channel is still "public" in that it's in front of all the mods, it was never meant to be, nor should it have been, leaked to the true public of MCP. Still, in that channel, a Head Admin has no business bad-mouthing a former staff member (though some mods have engaged in such personal bashing of former staff in the past). It was a breech of decorum on my part.
I am sorry if my outburst scared or worried anyone, either because it was out of character for me (another staff member brought it to my attention some mods thought my account had been taken over somehow because it was so out of the blue) or because of what it might mean if you ever came to me with a concern/complaint/idea/problem/etc., or what it might mean about the status of MCP's Admin/Head Admin team.
I will try to clarify why I said what I did of Tharine and exactly what angered me so. I do not hate her, I do not hate her post or what it contains (by and large). What I hated about her exploding a drama bomb then bolting is that she's gone. She does not have to clean up the aftermath or even really deal with it. Whereas the people she left in her wake, especially Barlimore, steve, thrawn, and several others of the staff have to clean up her mess. Not to mention the stress, confusion, anger, hatred, etc. that her actions have provoked in and among the players and staff team. You all, players and staff alike, have spent countless hours collectively posting, arguing, getting your feelings hurt, getting angry, upset, etc. which isn't fair to you. I hate that it's cost you all so much of your time, effort, and emotional well-being and distracting you from... playing Minecraft.
In addition and more specifically, the logs leaked show that where I referred to Tharine and then pasted a link to her post was, in fact, a mis-paste (one of the quoted sections shows me correcting the link after two more attempts at getting it right). I was far more upset that she posted a picture of the test post I made on the forums before they went live as a test and little more. There was no ill-intentions in the form of the post, only a convenient topic I could pretend to rage about to show jcll how potentially toxic such a section of the forums could be in the wrong hands - something I've been proven right over given recent posts on that picture. Moreover, the picture was picked up by barneygale, who I assumed got it directly from her (but it's possibly more likely he took it from her post), and who proceeded to make it look as if I had really fallen off the deep end. He took the picture out of time, out of context, and with total disregard of reality, aimed strictly at making me look bad, dangerous, off-balance, etc. Because I thought Tharine had had a hand in barney's post and the fiction it created, I called her toxic. For the record again, I apologized to her via a subreddit pm as a personal, private matter between us and no one else. This, however, is now my "formal public" apology, which I did not think was necessary at first, but because of subsequent events and conversations with other staff members, have changed my mind.
I hope this clears up some things and perhaps, if I am lucky, shows that we have not swept this under the rug. I may not be stepping down or removed, but I can assure you it is a humbling experience to have people whose opinions you trust tell you you were out of line. Their words, intentionally or not, have cued me in to how badly I allowed my control to slip at that moment. I should have kept my knee-jerk reactions to myself and maintained my professional demeanor in the mods irc channel. Those individuals who have spoken to me are amazing people, I still believe, as it takes a lot of guts to have those sort of tough conversations with a peer. For that, I thank them.
I hope this also goes a little ways in healing the breech, where there is one, between players and the Admins. I am but one of many, and my attitudes and opinions do not always reflect or agree with the other Admins, even the other Head Admins. You have little to fear from them (and maybe this helps dissuade some of the concerns about myself remaining a Head Admin, even in a reduced capacity).
Before this gets much longer, I would also like to acknowledge that I have read the most recent posts on /r/barneygale and I do not take those comments lightly. I read them word-for-word and thought about each of them in turn. Rest assured those words will be rattling around in my head for months to come. Rather than going "unpunished" as some might think this is going, the drama on /r/barneygale as well as on MCP's subreddit and forums has been a learning experience for me and has occupied bits of my time with copious crying. I won't go on what I feel would be an ego trip here for now, but I would like to add that for every person who was quoted in barney's post, I have had random players and other staff tell me (unsolicited) that I am not a monster/bad person/asshole/bad admin/etc. I've seen incredible support from people who know what it's like to be a "public figure" and have your every move scrutinized and twisted. I logged into P yesterday and was greeted with a flurry of "Hello's!" So there is, as always, at least to sides to things.
Sorry about the wall-o-text. Thank you for sticking with me through it.