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Citlalin [XeTrain]


Citlalin

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Forgive me, I have behaved in an unbecoming manner, and have said some things which I now regret.  There is some context here but I want to say clearly that I am banned because of me.  XeTrain didn't choose to ban me, I made that choice for him by carrying on instead of stopping as he asked.  This is my fault.  The screw-up is all mine.

Context:
1. I make some weird jokes sometimes.  In this case, involving socks.  There was nothing NSFW, that is not an element here.  However another player (hereafter "other player") apparently took it a certain way, which I did not intend or expect.  I really did not expect the response I got from the other player, if I thought they would take it that way I want to make it clear that I would have left them well alone.  The other player said "don't involve me in your fetish without my consent."  I took that very offensively.  I do not fetishize anything, am not a deviant in that regard, have never insinuated otherwise.  The jokes I was making were about socks and were not sexual in anyway whatsoever, so I have no idea why their mind went to that.  To me, it came across as the other player basically calling me a pervert or something.  I do not maintain that the other actually meant that.  They probably didn't.

2. Not that it's anyone's business, I'm asexual, if you can relate to that then you know that we get treated as weird, or at least I do.  Because obviously if somebody doesn't date or have any interest in relationships, there must be something wrong with them.  Those people are completely full of it and I know that, and I can deal with being called weird.  But sometimes some pretty nasty stuff gets said, and things like "fetish" would fall into that category in this context.  I took what the other player said as a nasty thing getting said.  Again in retrospect it probably wasn't. 

That's the background context.  Nothing above justifies anything.  Everything I did after the above was wrong and I am sorry for that.

Appeal:
I took something somebody said the wrong way and then I took the conversation in absolutely the wrong direction.  I did drop some F bombs.  XeTrain really tried to help me here, and I didn't let him.  He asked me to stop and I didn't listen.  Going off on somebody and making my problem other people's problem was the wrong thing to do and I don't know what to do other than to admit that, make apology as best I can, and ask forgiveness.  I could have logged off for a bit and I should have, and I'm sorry I didn't do that.  I could have simply not engaged with the other player any further, and I'm sorry I didn't do that either.

I don't know if I can temporarily turn off the chat or not.  I have no idea.  But if that is an option, it is one that I absolutely would use to avoid situations like this.  Please advise.

It so happens that the other player is also a member of staff, hence the stated reason why I am banned.  I did know at the time that the other player was a member of staff.  However at the time I was not interacting with them as a member of staff, but merely as another player, but that changes nothing.  Let me be very clear, this would have been just as wrong and unacceptable regardless of whether the other player was staff.  It should be unacceptable to everyone.  I don't defend it.  It was wrongdoing.

To XeTrain, I appreciate that you tried to help me and I'm sorry I didn't let you.  I'm sorry I put you into this position and forced you to take the actions that I made necessary.  I ask you to forgive me and I will make effort to not do this again.

To the other player, I am sorry and ask forgiveness, and I will make effort to not do this again.

To everyone else and the community at large, I'm sorry you had to deal with that and I will make effort to not do that again and I ask you to forgive me if you can.  I will also be more mindful of my jokes and will make effort to not press on with them if they aren't funny.

I maintain that I do agree to follow the rules and I will continue to make effort to do so.  This time I failed and it is 100% on me. 

I do not expect to be unbanned right away.  If I have to sit out for a while, even if it's for the remainder of this rev, well, too bad because that's what I get.  I did it to myself and I will deal with it myself.  I stand by my admissions and apologies regardless of what is decided.

I'm sorry for this and I will make efforts to make better decisions going forward.  Thank you for your time.

 

 

 

 

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Hello Citlalin

Thank you for your apology towards not just staff but also players in general.

Whilst I understand things can come across differently, not everything comes through as intended in a text chat, and it is not an excuse to continue talking badly about another player, if you're told to stop, you stop. There is a reason we have these chat rules, and as somebody who has been on the server for quite some time now, you should be expected to follow those rules without issue. As I told you ingame, if you have an issue with another player, you DM them about it, you do not continue in general chat where people are clearly getting frustrated with you.                       

I appreciate that you were just joking around in chat, but without context it can definitely come across as very, very different. In regards to you wondering if you can disable chat, you need to go to settings > chat settings > chat:hidden

I will unban you on the 25th of August, if by then you feel ready to come back and/or if you have any questions, please reply to this thread confirming you have re-read the rules.

Thank you,

XeTrain

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