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A Glimpse in Retrospect


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Hi Nerd.

It's been a few years now. I have had a lot of time to grow and change from who I was to who I am now. 

When I was a CAdmin, I was certainly far too immature and up my own ass for my own good, though in some certain scenarios with personal disputes with trouble players, many of my choices felt justified, such as the wars of the Creative Union, the bitter elections, impeding on others' regions for a quick laugh with massive warships.

I am freshly twenty-two as of last week. I've suffered through imposter syndrome and a myriad of issues in university and college, and am finally beginning my career, and I feel like a good step in terms of personal growth is this:

I'm sorry.

The dicey things I said and did back then are no longer who I am or what I deem is acceptable. The veiled racism, sexism, homophobia.. the lot of it, really. All edgy humor I did not actually believe in, nor do I still, but I know now what is and isn't acceptable. Nerd, in a strange way, taught me as much, though it was a confusing lesson to learn in a progressive world in my late adolescent years what sort of dumb shit I can, can't, should, and shouldn't say.

I don't see myself ever returning to the server, unfortunately (or fortunately for some of my old nemeses.. 😉), but it's had a profound impact on me. 

Thank you, to these specific people, for offering me snippets of growth in my time on c.nerd.nu.

Yours formerly,
Mae O'Sullivan, aka Mewcifer

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